An American Now

This will likely be my last blog post from China.

Two.  More.  Nights. (and a very long day) before I get to see my babies at home again. :)

This morning was our consulate appointment, wherein we took the oath for Elliott and he became a U.S. citizen.  Just like that.  There was no pomp and circumstance.  We stood in a room with a dozen other adoptive families (just one other from our Holt group) and repeated the oath back in unison to a lady behind bullet-proof glass at a counter.  (I would show you photos, except that we were not permitted to have any electronic devices on us at all.)  Then a gentleman reviewed our folder of paperwork, and we were dismissed.  Tomorrow one of the Holt staff will drive back over there and pick up Elliott's visa and immigration packet.  And then we are done, folks.

Saturday morning, our luggage needs to be outside our door by 5:30 a.m. for the bellboy to pick up, and we will be meeting our guide for the last time at 6:00 a.m. to be escorted to the airport.  We have a little hop from Guangzhou to Beijing, and then (after a little over 6 hours in the Beijing airport), a LONG flight home. :).  Finally.

Thank you all for all your prayers, kind comments, and awesome encouragements throughout this whole adoption process.  Your support has been so appreciated.  And thanks to my parents not only for all of their support, but also for dropping their lives to take such perfect care of our three precious children and crazy Great Dane at home these past 2 1/2 weeks.  It has been difficult enough missing them . . . and a blessing not to have to worry about their well-being while we've been away.

(Oh, did I mention that Matt is being sweet enough to let me get a 2-hour Chinese massage tomorrow afternoon?  A legitimate massage....not like the one he was offered yesterday from a 'lady of the evening' when he made an ice cream run at 8:00 p.m. to the McDonald's literally next door to the hotel.  He did take her business card, though, if anyone will be in the area in the near future.)

I am leaving you tonight with a picture of our entire Holt travel group and a couple sweet photos of Elliott and his betrothed, Joya. :)

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My Favorite City In China

I decided today that Guangzhou is my favorite of the three cities we have visited in China.  It feels cleaner and friendlier, and it is just so gorgeous here.

As promised, here are a couple photos of the street our hotel is on.

Today while the majority of children in our group became U.S. citizens, we walked about 10 minutes to an absolutely gorgeous park.  The remainder of these photos were all taken there.  It was so peaceful walking around the park, with I-don't-know-how-many people (mostly of the retirement age) walking, exercising, performing Tai Chi, admiring bonzai, singing oh-so-beautifully.  (We heard that our friend, Kenyon, became a celebrity figure for his singing at this same park yesterday.  How I wish we could have witnessed that....)

Dozens of bonzai plants on display. 

 

An exercise/play area for the retirees.

 I can picture my mom and aunt sitting up there.

Tomorrow we sadly bid good-bye to a good portion of our group.  In order for us to travel with the the 3/16 travel group, we had to accept a consulate appointment date a couple days later than most of the others.  Tomorrow is another free day for us, then Elliott will be sworn in as a U.S. citizen on Thursday.  Friday we will receive his visa.  Saturday we get to travel home to the three precious blessings I have missed so very much.  I can't wait for those hugs.

Photos

I'm about ready to crash for the night, so this post will be mostly photos.  :)  These first 4 photos were taken on the 4th floor garden/play area of our hotel (the China Hotel in Guangzhou).

This is 1 of 3 little seating areas off of the garden/play area.

Today, we opted to go on an outing to the Safari Park with several other families from our group.  The weather was gorgeous, and the park was impressive.  It is supposedly the largest animal park in Asia and home to more than 400 species.  Here is a very small sampling of the 122 photos I took while there. 

You can buy bunches of bananas to throw out to the elephants.

(These elephants were waiting to catch some.) 

The Safari Park is home to 12 giant pandas.

We happened to catch feeding time for them. 

Matt feeding the giraffes while Elliott screamed for his life. 

On the way back to the hotel.

Changes

When you meet Elliott, you will see a very friendly, outgoing boy who smiles all the time.  He frequently does things to get reactions from people, and he is endearing.  He waves to everybody, and he will walk up to complete strangers and ask to be picked up or held.

This sounds perfect, doesn't it?  It's not.

When entering a room, 'normal' children will hang back a bit and look to their parents for a 'read' on the situation.  They are cautious and will take cues from their parents on how they are to act in that environment, with those people.  Elliott looks to everyone as potential caregivers.  He has shed few tears this week because we are just another change in his short 3 years of life, and he looks to other adults as other potential changes.  He does not yet comprehend that he is with his family.


When discussing adoptive children, you may have several issues with which to deal.  At the most basic level, though, you will encounter issues dealing with either attachment or grief.  Children (such as those in orphanages) who have not had consistent caregivers in their lives may need help in fostering attachment to their new parents.  Children who have been in foster homes and have actually formed attachments with caregivers will grieve the loss of their precious relationships; however, it is said that if they have formed attachments in the past, they will be able to form them again.  (Highly recommended reading for those interested is Patty Cogen's 'Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child.')

We were expecting more grief with Elliott since he had been with his foster family for more than a year and since we were told that he was close to his foster mom.  However, when he was found around 6 months of age, he spent a few months in an orphanage before being transferred to his first foster family . . . and then about a year and a half ago, he was moved to a Holt-sponsored foster family, where he stayed until last week.  Too many changes.


Our main issue at this point in time is trying to help Elliott to realize that we are his parents.  While we are so excited for everyone to meet him, I hope you will understand when we redirect him back to ourselves when he asks you to pick him up.  Please feel free to smile at and engage him, but for awhile he needs to hold our hands.  It's not that we don't want to share him or that we don't want you to touch him.  It's that he needs to learn who his parents are, to whom he should be attached.

Elliott is already starting to look back for us when he walks away, and today he seemed to not be as quick to ask others to pick him up.  Other parents in our group have helped by warmly receiving him, but quickly redirecting him back to us.  Also, his need to communicate visually with us is also helping, as he needs to have good eye contact with us.  So, we are already seeing some positive changes, but it will take some time.

Our other issues at the moment deal with communication and setting boundaries.  Elliott is extremely good at letting you know what he wants and what he doesn't want.  It took him a couple days before he even tried to learn any ASL signs from us.  (He was, after all, very skilled at getting what he wanted by using his own gestures.)  He has caught on now and will repeat signs back to us and has begun using a few signs himself without our first prompting them.  Elliott is quick to grab for what he wants and quick to scream if he doesn't get what he wants.  Hopefully as his ability to communicate with us via signs grows, these tendencies will improve.

Thankfully, we have undoubtedly the best ASL teachers in the world to help with the communication gap.  Pat and Brian from the Northern Virginia Resource Center have been so invaluable in our preparations before we left for China, and they are willing to help our entire family during our adjustment period upon our return home.

Positive changes from here.  ;)

A Different World

Guangzhou feels very different than Beijing and Changchun. It is warm and green....the people speak Cantonese....and the roads seem to be a bit safer.  Where we were getting stares from locals up in Jilin, we are among many adoptive families here at the hotel. It's a completely different experience.  (I still need to get some photos of the area around our hotel.)

Yesterday our Holt group met after breakfast and took a bus to the medical clinic.  That was an experience.   The building seemed nice, but there was just a mass of people trying to get their new children through 4 different stations--photos, height/weight, general exam, and ears/nose/throat.   This is what the hallway looked like:

Fun times.

The ENT doctor knew from his medical forms that Elliott is deaf, so she needed to confirm that, I suppose.   Her method....take a colorful squeaky toy and squeak it quickly in front of each ear, passing it in front of Elliott's face.   He followed it with his eyes as it was swiped in front of him, so we are wondering if the kind doctor took that as evidence that he can actually hear.

In the afternoon, one parent from each family had to meet to make sure all our paperwork for the consulate is in order.  Our Holt (adoption agency) and Lotus (travel company) guides were there, so we discussed possible outings for the remainder of the week.  Last night we walked down the street from the hotel and ate dinner with Laurie and Kenyon and their adorable Joya.

Today most of the families in our group took a bus with our Lotus guide to Shamian Island to do some shopping.   It was a gorgeous morning

Tonight we will be going to a Cantonese restaurant with our entire group.  Tomorrow we are opting to go with several other families to the Safari Park so Elliott can see some pandas and giraffes.

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In Guangzhou

We made it into Guangzhou around 9:30p and were met by another fantastic guide. She was so sweet and talked a mile a minute on the way to our hotel. It is definitely warmer here, and the China Hotel is very nice. Our room (Executive 55 suite with no executive floor privileges) seems a bit excessive, so we may talk about down-grading tomorrow.

The people speak Cantonese here, so the two words we knew in Mandarin won't do us much good here. :)

Elliott did great on the flight. (We are just over our 'honeymoon' period, so he's been testing boundaries....more on that later.)

Looking forward to seeing the rest of our Holt group in the morning!

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Blog Links

I am not quite sure how I make the cute little links over at the side of my blog to other blogs which I follow and would recommend . . . so I'm posting them here.
www.inaworldsurroundedbymen.blogspot.com
(The link is there...it just happens to be black text. :) Either just click on it, or type this into your browser: www.inaworldsurroundedbymen.blogspot.com.) This is the blog of good friends traveling with our same group from Holt.  Their adjustment period has been quite different than ours . . . so a good comparison read for those who will be traveling for adoption at some point.  My heart breaks for them.
www.planetrh.blogspot.com
This blog is by a couple from DC who recently returned from China with their new daughter.  Jilin was their province as well.  Awesome blog that reads as a travel guide for those adopting from China . . .

Stir-Crazy In Changchun

I didn't write a new post yesterday because there is only so much I can tell you all about the inside of our hotel room.

In one of my lost posts, I mentioned that all but one of the Holt families we are traveling with met first in Beijing.  Then on Sunday, we all split up to go to the respective provinces where our children were waiting for us.  Elliott is from Changchun, in the Jilin province....in NE China.  As in, close to Russia.   As in, still quite cold.  So while the other families are doing more sight-seeing, we sit.

Our first 2 full days here were spent running around--finalizing adoption paperwork, applying for Elliott's passport.  Yesterday was a free day.  July, our guide, suggested we walk to a park in the afternoon.   (We suggested the morning, but the paperwork we received with Elliott stated that he naps at 9:30a...and with July aware of this, there was no way we were going out in the morning....regardless of the fact that he actually took a nap at 3:00p on Monday.)

So, we took Elliott to the pool in the morning.  This is as far as he got.

The poor kid was terrified.

Then in the afternoon with our guide leading, we dodged cars and walked about 15 minutes in 80mph wind gusts to one park (which probably is beautiful in the summer),

and then a little further to another one (where several people were somehow flying kites in the 80mph wind gusts).

Matt and Elliott with July 

We stopped at the laundry place on the way back and actually received all the clothes that Matt had dropped off on Monday....to ladies who took his money and clothes, but spoke not a word of English and gave him no receipt.   It was a miracle.

This morning, I talked Matt into going back to Walmart so I could take photos to share with you.   This is all I got before a kind Walmart employee rushed over and told me something about the 'local police' being in the store, or something like that.  I took that as my cue not to take any more photos, so you'll unfortunately have to imagine the raw seafood sitting out in similar cases.

This afternoon, July took us to Elliott's finding spot.  (At least, we think this is his finding spot.  His finding ad states that he was found on the front lawn of No. 12 Middle School of the FAW.  At the moment there is no No. 12 Middle School, but there is a No. 12 Primary School.  July spoke with the police yesterday, and they decided that it was either a typo or that the middle school became the primary school between then and now.)  July gave us Elliott's finding ad, which she had translated for us.  These are photos of where Elliott's mother wrapped her precious son in an orange blanket and kissed him good-bye.  He was found around 11:00 a.m. on September 3rd, 2009.

Tomorrow we pack up finally and head to the warm Guangzhou.  We will reunite with the other Holt families, and the company will be welcomed.  Since Guangzhou is about the same latitude as Florida, we are also hoping for nice weather and the opportunity to explore a bit more outside of the hotel room while we wait for Elliott's visa and our consulate appointment to have him granted American citizenship.

(Oh, and after the 30-minute cab ride to this finding spot and back again, I am no longer complaining about not getting out of our hotel more.  Seriously!  How do you make 3 lanes of traffic when the road only has lines for 2??)

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To Future Changchun Families

This post probably won't interest most of you (except maybe the photos of our hotel). It is intended more for the people following the blog who will be traveling to Changchun in the coming months.

We are a Holt family, and Holt uses the Shangi-La hotel in Changchun. I've heard some people complain a bit because it is on the pricier side (US $220/night for a standard room). However.....it is a very nice hotel, and we've enjoyed staying here. The standard room is plenty big enough with a king-sized bed, desk, dresser, t.v., little refrigerator, safe, nice bathroom, and a love seat and chair. We had a crib in here for the first 2 nights, but it looked to be adjusted for a newborn. We were afraid Elliott was going to fall over and crack his head open, so we didn't even try it. He's been sleeping in the bed with us....which I also like because I am literally right there when he wakes up in the middle of the night.

The Shangri-La has a laundry service, but July, our guide, showed us another place right around the corner. We thought it would be a laundromat-sort-of-place where we could do our own laundry, but that wasn't the case. The ladies don't speak any English....Matt ended up handing over our load of clothes and $500 RMB (the exchange rate is about 6.2, so about US $80). We had July go with us to help pick up the laundry since there was the language barrier. Everything looked good, folded nicely, bright colors in individually-wrapped cellophane bags. We were informed that Matt had actually purchased a laundry card for the $500, and we were getting some sort of discount and should bring all our other dirty clothes because it was a better deal to use up the card value. So we dropped off another load yesterday. You can pick up your clean clothes 2 days after you drop them off, so you need to plan accordingly. We did have the hotel clean Matt's coat, and even though we were told it would be ready the next day, we had it hanging in our closet a few hours later. The hotel laundry is much more expensive than the place around the corner.

Food...
You get 2 free breakfasts/room/day in the hotel restaurant...and they haven't charged us anything for Elliott to eat (I think....unless it shows up on our bill at check-out tomorrow). It's a very nice restaurant with both traditional Chinese food items, as well as Western things (eggs in all forms, pancakes, waffles, French toast, breads, pastries, cereal....).

Matt and I haven't been that hungry for lunch, so we just picked up a few instant noodle cups and boxes of milk from Walmart for Elliott to eat in the room. We have been frequenting Chinese places for dinner, but there is also a KFC and a Pizza Hut across the street. Our first afternoon here, July took us for a walk around the hotel and showed us good places to eat. The Eastern Hot Pot place next to Walmart is excellent, but easier to do (I think) without a kid in tow. (Hot Pot is a Chinese take on fondu....so pots with flames underneath and boiling broth on top....). There is a King Steak place, also next to the Walmart, which has both Chinese and some Western offerings. There is a good (and very inexpensive) noodle place next door to the laundromat place.

I had read in someone else's blog that they were having potty issues with their child while staying here, so the Shangi-La had purchased a couple different potty seats for them. While we haven't had potty issues with Elliott, I called the front desk and asked about a potty seat (or 'child toilet'....I forget what I called it), and they brought one right up. Elliott much prefers using it because otherwise he looks like he might fall in.

The CWI is about an hour's drive from here. We had asked about visiting, but July looked at us like she didn't know why we would want to go. I was under the assumption that even the children with foster families spend a certain amount of time at the CWI each week....but now it sounds like Elliott had just been going to Half the Sky in the mornings, and then was with his foster family the rest of the time. We asked about visiting Half the Sky or meeting the foster family, but July said that doing that is generally very upsetting for the children. We had actually heard that in Beijing from a Holt staff member who is an adoptee herself. So we didn't push the issue. I had begged for a photo of Elliott with his foster parents before we left, and we received one with our last update. So I am happy with that. I'm assuming I could probably ask Half the Sky for photos of their facility when we get back. (We were given a huge packet from Half the Sky with all these photos and progress notes about him....all in Mandarin.)

You may have read this elsewhere, but if you want to access either Facebook or a blog while over here, you need to set up a VPN before you leave the States. (China blocks a lot of the Internet from its people.) We downloaded a VPN app for our iPad, but there are other ways to subscribe.

It seems that children commonly drink from straws over here.  Of the two different sippy cups we brought for Elliott, he MUCH prefers the child Camelbak cup, with the thing that approximates a straw with a valve.

That's all for now. If you have any questions, feel free to ask....

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Plea

I'm new to this blogging business. I thought there was a way to subscribe to blogs and receive emails with the full text. If anyone has done this with our blog and has emails with the content for any of the first 6 posts, I would love to have them emailed to me. Sort of messed up. :). Thanks!


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He's A Natural

We were witness to Elliott eating with chopsticks tonight.

He's three.

He can eat noodles with chopsticks. He can pick up a peanut with chopsticks. He can pick up a single piece of julienned carrot with chopsticks.

That's all. ;)


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Getting To Know Each Other

So, I somehow managed to (hopefully temporarily) lose the content of all but the last two posts. I'm working on getting those posts back. In the meantime....

Things seem to be going really well with Elliott. When we got back to the hotel yesterday after running from the Civil Affairs Office to the notary to the photo shop (so Elliott could get passport photos taken), Elliott snacked again. He colored and played a bit, then I laid back on the bed with him on my lap, and he fell asleep. No struggling, no crying. He just laid there and fell asleep. He took a good nap, and even though we were both right there when he woke up, he just laid there for some time and cried....big crocodile silent tears. The poor thing.

We got ready and ventured out to dinner, this time to a King Steak place which has both Chinese and some Western offerings. Ordering was easy with a menu with photos and English subtitles. Many people walked by our table and took notice of us. Our waitress must have assumed we don't eat with chopsticks....and that extended to Elliott, as he was given a child-sized spoon/fork/knife set. He loved it. It was the first time we didn't see him eating right away. He spent some time trying out the new utensils by playing in his fruit salad. When he finally started eating, he had some bananas, lots of fried noodles, lots of rice, a few bites of steak and pizza.

I wasn't going to push the bath issue at all, but I did point to the bath tub to see what his reaction would be.  He seemed to want to get in, so he had his first bath under our care last night.  At first Elliott seemed intrigued by the water filling up around him . . . but then he started getting chilled (yes, I used warm water!) . . . and he did not like the water running down his face when we rinsed his hair.  So maybe it wasn't such a good idea for our first night.  But he warmed up quickly in his footed pajamas and doesn't seem to be holding a grudge.

This morning we had some time before needing to go to the police station to apply for Elliott's passport.  After we woke up and got ready . . .

. . . we were able to Skype with my parents and Reagan, Benjamin, and Maura at home.  How I miss my kids!  They were great and immediately signed a few things to Elliott (especially Reagan) . . . though, we have just gotten down 'more' and 'all done' over here at this point.  (I think he is recognizing a few more signs, but we found that we need to actually help his hands at first so he knows to actually sign himself.)

We ate breakfast in our hotel and still had some time before needing to meet our guide.

Have I mentioned he loves to draw and color?

He also loves changing the channels on t.v.  :)  In these photos, he is playing around with Matt (out of the photo), teasing with the remote and his banana.

Today we are starting to see lots of smiles and laughing from him.  Elliott waves to just about everyone he sees, but he looks for our hands to hold.  He understands the camera and is quick with a smile and a 'peace' sign that his foster family taught him.

Did I mention that Changchun is in NE China?

This is his cue to fall asleep.  We had a few more silent tears when I transferred him to the spot on the bed next to me, but he was okay waking up this time.

Baby steps.

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